An open letter to the ignorant, mysoginistic, brain-dead miscreant sitting in the aisle across from me and one row back to the left at “Cloverfield” last Friday night:

Dear “Sir,”

Now, I know you might have a hard time taking me seriously because I am a woman.   Based on your comments throughout the entire 90-minute feature film last Friday, I get the general impression that you think women are a lower species of human life (such comments as “Shut that b**** up,” “Look at her fine a** hanging out,” and other such verbal gems directed at the screen led me to said conclusion). 

However, I would like to take great pains to assure you that although the packed theater of moviegoers did not turn in unison to you and scream “Shut UP!,” we all would have liked to. (Oh, how I wish we had!)  We, as moviegoers, adopted the attitude that our parents encouraged us to take as children when being harassed by playground bullies: ignore them.  Sadly, you, being dumb, did not understand the cues of silence around you.  In the future, please keep your disgusting thoughts to yourself.

You see, you and your filthy, verbally incontinent friend did not NEED to make comments about raping a woman who was passed out in a tumbled-over building.  That kind of commentary is entirely unnecessary, being a) criminal and b) shamefully ignorant.  Nobody actually LIKES listening to the vile, heinously offensive, vomit-inducing musings of an addle-brained and hideous moron.  Just so you know.

Grow some opposable thumbs,

The Editor